The first of three stories from the mountains — about grief, loss, and what it means to truly meet someone in theirs.
Never underestimate the powerful impact you can have on someone who is grieving simply by being curious and asking a few gentle questions.
I want to share a personal story.
After my husband of 33 years died in October 2024, I took my hiking to a whole new level — a level I never thought I was capable of. It was a grief response: nothing else made sense in those months, but putting one foot in front of the other did. Alongside many hikes here in Australia, I was fortunate enough to travel to Europe to hike the Tour du Mont Blanc.
As I sat waiting for the bus transfer from Geneva to Chamonix, I started talking with the woman next to me. It turned out that she and her partner would be my walking companions on the very same trip. Rita asked why I was travelling on my own. I immediately dissolved into tears and shared that my husband had died seven months earlier.
Rather than turn away or shift to another topic, Rita stayed right there with me. She asked:
“What was your husband’s name?”
I was taken aback. Here was a complete stranger who cared enough not to shy away from my pain, but was prepared to witness me in my grief. Rita continued with other questions about Jeff’s life.
Over the next seven days, as we traversed massive elevations amid awe-inspiring, iconic scenery, held by those incredible mountains, Rita would find moments to ask me more about Jeff. She kept referring to him by his name.
And as we navigated our final descent, she looked at me and said, “Nicola, Jeff would be so proud of you.”
Rita, without even knowing it, was a natural Grief First Aider.
She didn’t try to fix me or rescue me. She offered genuine compassion, care, concern and interest. She asked gentle, curious questions that invited me to speak about who Jeff was. She validated my feelings and reflected them back to me. I felt actively attended to.
And Rita’s care didn’t end at the mountains — she followed up more than once after the walk finished and I had returned home.
Rita wasn’t the only one who held me on that mountain — but that’s a story for another post.
Rita became my teacher as well as a caring human. I have continued to pay this forward to others, and I can tell you the reaction is often the same: people are initially a little taken aback — and then they quickly soften and open, knowing it is safe to talk about their loved one.
Never underestimate the impact you can have by meeting someone in their grief. If you ever find yourself in that moment of not knowing what to do or say, I hope Rita’s story will give you a place to start.
This story is why I now do the work I do. Through Evolving Leaders, I guide people through life’s hardest transitions with 1:1 coaching, and deliver Grief First Aid education for workplaces — helping people learn to meet grief the way Rita met mine. If either of these speaks to you, I’d love to hear from you: nicola@evolvingleaders.com.au
The second story from the mountains is coming soon.
Photo: Nicola and Rita in Chamonix at the end of the Tour Du Mont Blanc hike about to have a celebratory drink!
www.evolvingleaders.com.au
The generous response to ‘Coming back, changed‘ touched me deeply. I am grateful for your caring words and gentle encouragement to get on with this important work. Thank you.
In the three weeks since, I’ve been walking through the Kimberley, where every sunrise and sunset seemed to bring a new colour and new experience, and the landscape quietly got under my skin. I’ve returned home refreshed, inspired, and ready.
So today, I begin.
While I was caring for my husband, I undertook a Diploma of Developmental Coaching through the Vertical Development Institute. If you don’t know Alis Anagnostakis’s work yet, do yourself a favour and check it out. It sharpened my coaching practice, and it’s deepened how I work in ways I’m still discovering. While I have been coaching leaders for many years, to attain my ICF accreditation on the other side of this diploma, I need to complete 100 hours of coaching practice. This is a milestone I want to approach very intentionally.
So, as I refocus my coaching offering into guiding people through transitions, I’m bringing the two together: deepening my own practice and attaining my ICF accreditation while walking alongside you through yours. I’d love for you to be part of it. And I’d like to mark the beginning with something:
Book a “Let’s Talk” conversation in July to receive 50% off 1:1 Transition Guidance & Coaching (6 session package).
Every engagement begins with a no-pressure Let’s Talk conversation, so we can explore what you’re navigating and whether this is the right fit.
You can book yours here.
If you’re in the messy middle of a transition, or you know someone who is, I’d welcome a conversation.
With warmth and gratitude,
Nicola x
Nicola Vague is a leadership coach and transition guide, and the founder of Evolving Leaders. She walks alongside leaders navigating unexpected life events, and helps organisations support their people through the line-in-the-sand moments that turn life upside down.
Photo credit: Martin from my Intrepid tour, July 2026. Indigenous birthing pool (no longer used, photographed with permission of a local Elder), Purnululu National Park, The Kimberley, Western Australia
www.evolvingleaders.com.au
After three years away, I’m coming back to work (July 14th 2026) and I want to be honest about what this return looks like.
In 2023, my husband Jeff — my life partner of 33 years, father to our three daughters — was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. He died 15 months later. Shattered. Our lives ripped apart and turned upside down.
I am not the same person I was. What matters to me now is different. And my mission is clearer than it has ever been.
Here’s what I’ve learned, living it: time doesn’t make grief go away but time doesn’t take love away either. We can grow around our grief. And, with the right support, it’s possible to grieve fully and live fully, often in the same moment.
Here’s what else I know. One in four people in our workplaces is carrying a loss right now. The diagnosis, the divorce, the death of someone they love. Work keeps going, and before long we expect them to do the same. We are, most of us, grief and loss illiterate — not because we don’t care, but because nobody taught us.
I have a role to play in changing that.
So from 14th July 2026, Evolving Leaders begins the first step in a new chapter: Guiding transitions for people, organisations and a changing world. The first step is walking alongside leaders navigating unexpected life events, as a transition guide and coach and, helping organisations truly support their people through them via Grief and Loss Education.
You can read more about that here.
This isn’t a polished re-entry. My website is still finding its new shape and there’s no glossy brochure. I could spend months waiting until it’s all perfect. But life is messy and imperfect and so is this work. I’m taking the first step and trusting the rest will unfold.
You can read about my new beginnings here.
Perhaps you are in the messy middle of a transition yourself, or you lead people who are? If so this next focus might resonate for you. My diary is open to book now with first available times from 14 July. You can book a conversation here.
In the meantime I have one more hike to do before I am full back and focussed. This time, I’ll be walking off-grid in the Kimberley until mid-July. I will respond to any messages when I’m back.
Thanks for your care and support and for following along as this new chapter unfolds.
Nicola Vague is a leadership coach and transition guide, and the founder of Evolving Leaders. She walks alongside leaders navigating unexpected life events, and helps organisations support their people through the line-in-the-sand moments that turn life upside down.
www.evolvingleaders.com.au
When you arrive at graduation day and can’t get into the room because participants are getting everything set up for the presentation of their learning it’s a good indication that our job was done!
What an absolute privilege it has been to work alongside my dear friend and colleague Hamish Riddell to support leaders with taking the next step in their own evolution through our Leading Change Program. We were blown away at the level of commitment of these leaders to learning, living and embodying the Six Keys to Leading Positive Change. To work with these leaders and to witness the growth that happened over our eight months together was nothing short of exquisite!
‘Not many times we are offered the opportunity to reflect upon self as strategy to develop your leadership skills. Nicola & Hamish Evolving leaders program is a great example of how sustainable change can be embedded by knowing self first before bringing others into any potential corporate change. Highly recommended!’ – Vitor Rocha (Palliative Care Lead)
“I cannot speak highly enough of Nicola and Hamish – it was privilege to participate in the Leading Change program that they facilitated within our workplace. They are a dynamic duo with the extraordinary ability of being able to balance an abundance of knowledge and expertise in leadership development, with a genuine humility and an honest kindness capable of drawing the best out of program participants. Thank you Hamish – Thank you Nicola.
– Sue Wilson RN PhD Evaluation and Data Management Lead
Bookings are now open for 2023. You can find out more about Leading Change here.
Well, while it;s fair to say that 2020 has been nothing like any of us anticipated, one of the gifts for many was finding ourselves with a little more time and space on our hands.
What was the favourite thing you created this year?
Well for me there were two things: The expanded vegetable patch to now include passionfruit, kiwi fruit and more silver beet and celery than the kids would ideally like; and, the writing of a little book about what I’ve discovered about self- leadership derived from over a decade of personal and professional learning and practice.
As it turns out – both creative projects continue to be works in progress – as I battle with the birds and the possums and slugs, while also enjoying the flowers on the strawberries and tomatoes in the vegetable patch; and, simultaneously re-shaping and renaming of my little book – thanks to a dear friend and colleague who helped me to see a better way forward. I am forever indebted to the creative process with its insights and blocks and lumps and bumps until clarity finally beckons!
I can’t wait to share my little book with you in 2021.
What is clear to you now?
One of the gifts that can also come from tough times, is that we get clearer on what matters to us most and if we listen to that we can make more conscious choices about where we want to put our precious time and energy. Does that resonate for you in any way from your experience of 2020?
During this year, for me, it became even more apparent that we all have a responsibility to listen to that little voice inside of us that is saying ‘something needs to change’; to explore and connect with self around this ‘invitation’; and to take conscious action. Rinse, repeat. This is the practice of self-leadership.
Some of what I have also ‘crystalized’ this year about self-leadership is that;
– We are responsible for our own evolution and growth. Period.
– Learning about ourselves and growing our effectiveness as leaders is a lifelong process that takes focus, commitment, and a clear intention.
– Unless we carve out space to do our own personal learning, life will continue to drive us rather than enabling us to shape our own reality.
Building on all of that, what is super clear to me now is that the number 1 focus of my work in 2021 is bringing The Practice of Self-Leadership to a wider audience. This is work that we all have to do – irrespective of whether we are in a leadership role or not.
The Practice of Self Leadership will be made available to a wider audience in 2021 through:
– 6-month individual coaching programs commencing in February 2021 (I’m opening up six new places only – get in touch soon if one of those is for you),
– Self as Leader – Leadership Development Program – (in house) Continuing to facilitate our 3-month core leadership program
– Self as Leader – Leadership Development Program – (public program) – Dates for 2021 will be posted soon (via remote learning)
The good thing is that it wherever you are in the country (or in the world) The Practice of Self-Leadership – individual coaching and leadership development program can come to you. Please get in touch to register your interest or to find out more.
A moment to pause…
Conscious leadership is not possible without carving out – literally quarantining space to reflect, reset and do our self-work and there is no better time to do this than at the end of this year of 2020! So grab a piece of paper (or audio or video record it on your phone if that’s your thing) and take a few moments to reflect on these questions:
Fill in the blank: This year, I feel proud of myself because ___________.
Which six ‘feeling’ words describe your experience of 2020?
What was the favourite thing you created this year? (a project, a fabulous meal, a garden, space for you….)
Can you remember a time in 2020 when you thought you couldn’t do something (“This is too hard, I’m overwhelmed, I can’t do this”), but then you surprised yourself and you did it?
What is something you want to leave behind in 2020 and not carry into 2021?
What’s your intention for the festive /holiday season? (I wish to experience…….)
Take a big breath out …. you deserve it
A special thanks to the wonderful leaders I have had the privilege of supporting in 2020. It’s been a massive year. To those of you in the world still in the thick of the pandemic sending love and healing to you.
To my fellow Victorians well done – we did it. Sending love and light for the festive season wherever you are.
See you in 2021.
With love
Nicola x
A unique development opportunity. 6 months | 6 Leaders | Melbourne | Starts June 21st 2019
Do you feel like you are out of flow?
Do you sense there is a better version of your leadership just out of reach?
Are you wrestling with questions that don’t have easy answers?
Are you caught in the whirlwind of doing (not being)?
Would you benefit from a having some external support to navigate long over-due changes?
Do you need a regular space to spend time working on being a better version of you?
If this is you then ”Leading with Intent” is for you. The focus of Leading with Intent is on taking your story – your ‘you’ – to the heart of your leadership.
We invite you to join this different and powerful development experience. This exclusive program has been designed for six like- minded leaders and includes:
– five half day development sessions over six months utilising The Flow Game
– two individual development sessions (prior to program start and at the conclusion)
– your own peer support learning group; and
-ongoing guidance from your flow game hosts during the program .
Full program details
A unique development opportunity. 6 months | 6 Leaders | Melbourne | Starts June 21st 2019
Do you feel like you are out of flow?
Do you sense there is a better version of your leadership just out of reach?
Are you wrestling with questions that don’t have easy answers?
Are you caught in the whirlwind of doing (not being)?
Would you benefit from a having some external support to navigate long over-due changes?
Do you need a regular space to spend time working on being a better version of you?
If this is you then ”Leading with Intent” is for you. The focus of Leading with Intent is on taking your story – your ‘you’ – to the heart of your leadership.
We invite you to join this different and powerful development experience. This exclusive program has been designed for six like- minded leaders and includes:
– five half day development sessions over six months utilising The Flow Game
– two individual development sessions (prior to program start and at the conclusion)
– your own peer support learning group; and
-ongoing guidance from your flow game hosts during the program .
Full program details