Self Leadership Series – Part 1 #6
This sixth post introduces the idea of ‘mental real estate’ as a way of thinking about how you are allocating your energy and attention. You are invited to reflect on the things that matter most to you and consider the alignment or misalignment of that with your mental real estate to sharpen your focus on what needs to change.
‘Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.’ – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
This post continues the theme of the personal story that I shared in the introduction to this series – that period in my life when I found myself in a state of overwhelm and was disconnected from myself. I wouldn’t recognise until sometime later was that one of the costs of disconnection was that I had lost sight of what truly mattered to me.
During this time, a leadership coach introduced me to the concept of ‘mental real estate’. It was a classic ‘light bulb’ moment. Our mental real estate is the capacity we have to hold onto, manage and navigate everything in our lives. Our work, our relationships, our family. Our day-to-day responsibilities in the many roles that each of us has: leader, partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, colleague, etc. Perhaps our community work or volunteer work at school or elsewhere.
The thing about mental real estate is that it’s not an infinite resource. There’s a limit to how much each of us can handle. Just like ‘real’ real estate, mental real estate has boundaries that can’t be expanded. The more we commit to extra things in our lives – the more we say ‘yes’ to every request or offer – the more our mind starts to push up against those boundaries.
Eventually it becomes like overpacking a suitcase and then still trying to get more in: something has to give. This is the point at which we are over committed.
The impact of this situation will be familiar to many leaders and other busy people. We start to lose focus on the things that really matter to us. We can get locked into ‘thinking and doing’ and lose the ability to ‘feel and be’. We can become overwhelmed, as I was. Stuck on a treadmill, we can become overly stressed – certainly stressed beyond a healthy level – and start making poor decisions. This diminishes our wellbeing and starts to affect our happiness, relationships, and overall performance.
It’s important to realise that, just like the real estate we live in, a lot of what is crowding our minds in these situations is clutter we don’t really need. It is noted in popular psychology that of the estimated 70,000* thoughts we have a day approximately 80 percent are not helpful in moving us forward. This mental clutter gets in the way of our ability to think clearly and make good decisions. It can lead to unnecessary overwhelm.
Reserving as much mental real estate as you can for the stuff that actually matters is the key here as our mental real estate is a precious commodity.
Activity – Allocate your mental real estate
Here’s a simple activity that might help you think about what you are allocating to your mental real estate and whether it could do with some decluttering.
- Bring into your awareness the things that matter most to you in your work and life: those things – people, places and experiences that make you feel full, happy and satisfied. Allow yourself a few moments to write in your journal, or even on a piece of paper:
- What matters to you most?
- What is most important for you in your life and leadership?
- Now ‘zoom out’ to take in everything that you have on your plate right now. All the tasks and roles that you are (or feel) responsible for right now.
- Are you making a concerted effort to ensure that some of your mental real estate is reserved for those important aspects of your life? Or is this exercise simply too hard due to your mental real estate being overcrowded?
- Is there an alignment? Is the stuff that is keeping you busy, and therefore occupying most of your ‘mental real estate’, contributing to those things that are most important to you?
- What do you notice?
- Does something need to change?
Bringing our conscious awareness to the things that matter most to us and the alignment or misalignment of how we are allocating our mental real estate to that is a great way of sharpening our focus on what needs to change. A leader I was working with shared their experience of this process:
‘When I did this exercise some years back, I noticed that where I was spending my energy and effort was definitely not in alignment with the things that mattered the most to me. The people I cared most for were simply not getting the allocation of me (my mental real estate) that they deserved, and that I truly wanted to make available for them. Work, and my inability to switch off from it, was completely and unnecessarily consuming me. It was impacting my sleep, I had little clarity of thought and I was often making poor decisions.
Something needed to change.
I set an intention around that making a change and through making different decisions and choices I was able to better align my mental real estate with what matters most. The concept of ‘mental real estate’ continues to be a useful frame for me to use on an ongoing basis when I invariably wander off track and need to re-navigate and focus my priorities.’
How are you currently allocating your mental real estate?
Does something need to change?
The next post in this series will introduce the Three Keys to Practicing Self-Leadership – aka the ‘how’ of practicing self-leadership where we will move from theory to action!
*Joe Dispenza, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself (Hay House Inc., 2013).
This post is an excerpt from my draft book Activating Self Leadership.
Photo Credit: Bree Hughes 2022 (Taken on a trip to Mt Field National Park with Bree to see the Turning of the Fagus)
Self Leadership Series – Part 1 #5
This post defines self-leadership as being both a choice and a practice which helps us to honour ourselves and engage more consciously in life. This in turn positions us well to positively influence our own lives and the wider eco-systems of which we are a part.
Every thought we have, decision we make and action we take either moves us toward the life we want to live or away from it. Each of our decisions and actions are also either helpful or harmful (directly or indirectly) not only to ourselves but to the wider eco-systems of which we are a part.
Think about that for a moment. Sounds simple enough doesn’t it?
The truth is however, when we are moving at breakneck speed through our days and weeks, we can lose sight of this ‘simple’ map. We can find ourselves making decisions and choices that are misaligned to who we really are and the things that matter most.
Enter self-leadership.
What is self-leadership?
Self-leadership is a choice that we make and a practice that we enact to honour ourselves and to engage consciously in life. This is done with an intention to learn and grow and to positively impact self, others, and the broader systems of which we are a part.
Self- leadership is not passive, it is active. It requires us to bring attention to both our internal and external realities. It involves us making a conscious choice to attend to self-leadership and to find our own way of practicing it in our daily lives.
Through a commitment to self-leadership we move through life with greater levels of awareness and are better equipped to respond rather than to react to what life presents to us. Overtime and with ongoing attention, the practice of self-leadership helps us to peel away the layers of our social conditioning, re-discover our own true nature and become the author of our own reality.
Who does it apply to?
Self-leadership applies to all people. It doesn’t just sit in the domain of people who are in formal ‘leadership roles’ (where it clearly sits the heart of great leadership) Why? Because collectively as humans we have (mostly) been educated and socialised in a way that detracts from rather than enhances our connection with our own true nature. This needs to change!
A focus on self-leadership puts us on the path where we can begin to do this – to peel back these layers of social conditioning and begin to re-claim the powerful and unique beings that we are.
When we practice self-leadership, we are consciously choosing to live and lead our lives with growing awareness about ourselves and the environment in which we operate. This positions us well to positively influence our own lives and the wider eco-systems of which we are a part.
Getting started
Making the choice to attend to self-leadership is the first step. The next step is knowing what to focus on and how to go about it in every day.
This is where the final three posts in this series are designed to help!
The next post in this series will introduce you to the concept of ‘mental real estate’. It will invite you to reflect on how you are currently allocating your ‘mental real estate’ as a way of bringing attention to what might need to change.
This post is an excerpt from my draft book Activating Self Leadership.
Photo Credit: Bree Hughes 2022 (Taken on a trip to Mt Field National Park with Bree to see the Turning of the Fagus)
Self-Leadership Series 1 – #4 What’s your personal motivation for attending to self-leadership?
This post invites the reader to reflect on their current experience of life and the deeper motivation that might drive the decision to bring greater attention to self-leadership.
There are many life circumstances and experiences that can precipitate us making a conscious choice to bring greater attention to self-leadership. Perhaps some of these may also apply to you?
- Are you stuck in a rut of reacting to the expectations and demands of others?
- Do you regularly feel overwhelmed with everything work and life demand of you?
- Have you lost connection with what truly matters?
- Do you feel ‘foggy’ in the head and unable to make good decisions and choices?
- Are you falling short of having the level of impact that you want to have as a leader?
- Are you unable to give your time, energy and focus to the things that matter most in your life?
- Do you feel stuck on the ‘doing’ treadmill, not knowing where to begin to make change?
- Do you lack the capacity and ability you need to take your leadership and personal effectiveness to the next level?
While it may not necessarily feel like it, all of these can be symptoms and signs that there is an opportunity for to change your own reality through attending to self- leadership.
These circumstances and experiences, once acknowledged, can be the catalyst that helps us to take positive action on our self-leadership journey. I know this works because I’ve seen it happen on many occasions in the self-leadership work I’ve been privileged to support within a wide range of leaders. One described her personal change journey better than I would be able to:
I was feeling hopeless, helpless, full of misery. This affected my emotional and physical wellbeing. One day my inner self started shouting at me, ‘You need to change; you cannot keep living like this’. Through making a clear decision to no longer accept the status quo, I made a commitment to myself to activate a new level of self-leadership. This enabled me to open to new possibilities and start to make different choices in my life that step by step took me towards a different reality. I am glad I sought support and chose this path … Change is difficult in the beginning, but the end result is beautiful and worth it.
It is also possible that despite our level of dissatisfaction with whatever situation we find ourselves in that it still isn’t enough to convince ourselves to get started!
Enter – Personal Motivation. Taking time to connect with the deeper ‘why’ that is motivating us to create change can be the difference between inertia and action.
What’s your personal motivation for attending to your own self-leadership?
There are four common personal motivations that when leveraged can drive people from inertia to action on their self-leadership journey. Which one/s resonate for you?
Do you wish to:
- Experience greater levels of personal satisfaction, wellbeing and fulfilment?
- Uplift your capability and effectiveness in leading self /others towards creating outcomes that matter?
- Be the best role model that you can be for your children /younger generations/ employees/ colleagues/friends?
- Make your unique and valuable contribution to making the world a better place and recognising that the most powerful way of attending to this is to activate and commit to self-leadership?
Your personal motivation for creating change may also come from acknowledging a little voice inside of you that is telling you that something needs to change such as it did for my client above – perhaps it’s to do with a need to attend to your wellbeing or an unhealthy situation that you find yourself in or having a courageous conversation that you know you need to have?
These are just a few examples. Your specific motivation might be different from all of these and that’s perfect too.
We will be motivated by different things at different times based on the situation and context in which we are operating. Whatever that context is for you- it is worth getting clear on your personal motivation for attending to self-leadership. It can after all, hold the key to moving from inertia to action.
The next post in this series will explore the question: What is self-leadership?
This post is an excerpt from my draft book Activating Self Leadership.
Photo Credit: Bree Hughes 2022 (Taken on a trip to Mt Field National Park with Bree to see the Turning of the Fagus
Self-Leadership Series 1 – #3 Why does self-leadership matter?
This post shares a personal story of a client who made a significant change in her personal and professional life when she decided to focus on self-leadership. It also looks at how focusing on self-leadership equips us with the foundational skills and tools to better navigate being a human!
Emica was a highly capable and well-regarded engineer working in key roles on multiple large and complex projects. However, she was desperately unhappy in her private life, finding herself with full responsibility for the running of her family’s household while also having to generate the family income. She had no support or empowerment to make any of her own life choices. She even had to seek permission from her husband to get her driver’s licence. Emica could see that the issues in her personal life were having an impact on the confidence and presence she had in her role. She knew that something needed to change and made a conscious choice to do something about it.
Emica sought out the support she needed to get started with her self-leadership journey – prioritising herself and her personal learning. This helped her gain the clarity she needed to begin the process of making tiny changes that would move her closer to her personal aspirations and goals. Over time, and with a regular and committed practice, Emica was able to make significant changes in her personal and professional life.
These changes would never have happened if she had let her life simply run its course, without enacting self-leadership through developing a clear intent and the willingness to open herself to different perspectives and new possibilities. Without prioritising this, Emica would likely have remained in the unhappy life she had previously found herself in. Somewhat ironically, getting her driver’s licence ended up being an important part of this process, providing both a boost to her confidence in her ability to back herself and the practical freedom that comes from not relying on others to get around.
Why does enacting self-leadership matter? If you were to ask Emica, she would say it is because it can change your life.
At its essence, the learning that is available to us when we commit to our self-work opens our ability to see different perspectives and new, often not previously conceived, possibilities. Without it, we are limited in our daily actions and interactions by our current beliefs, thoughts, behaviours and ways of being. We can also miss everyday chances to learn about ourselves and others and to grow from this knowledge and experience.
Simply put, if we don’t quarantine a part of our busy schedule for personal learning and wellbeing self-work, then change will usually only happen when it is forced upon us. Often this ends up being through adverse situations: the loss of a job, a new boss, the passing of a loved one, injury or illness, a divorce or separation. And while ‘forced change’ naturally fuels and is often vitally important to our growth, investing time and initiating focus on our self-work helps us to take the lead in our own development.
It’s possible, of course, that you already know this. Perhaps you are a leader who already has in place habits and routines that support your learning and wellbeing? If this is the case, no doubt you will be familiar with the benefits of creating space and slowing down to reconnect with yourself. Keep up the great work. Hopefully these blog posts will give you some ideas for continuing to refine this practice. If this is new for you, there is no time like now to get started.
In summary – why does self-leadership matter?
A focus on self-leadership equips us with skills and tools to better navigate being human. We learn how to navigate our thoughts, behaviours, beliefs and all the richness and complexities that being human inherently brings. I like to think of this as the ‘being a human 101 stuff’ that we should have learned at school but didn’t!
It helps us to access more of our vast inner resources from which we can begin to lead from the inside out. It is from that place that we are better able to nurture our dreams and inner most desires into reality.
The fourth post in this series will invite you to consider your personal motivation for attending to self-leadership.
This post is an excerpt from my draft book Activating Self Leadership
Photo Credit: Bree Hughes 2022 (Taken on a trip to Mt Field National Park with Bree to see the Turning of the Fagus)
Self-Leadership Series 1 – # 2 What I’ve discovered about self-leadership
This post shares some of what I have learned about self-leadership along the way and how it is the foundation for both our wellbeing and making our greatest contribution.
I did not ever set out on a deliberate path to explore and understand self-leadership but alas that’s what much of my personal growing and learning has specifically been about. It has also become, the central focus of much of the leadership development work with my clients.
What I write and share here is the sense-making and clarity about what I have discovered about self- leadership derived from over a decade of intense personal and professional learning and have now practised for many years. I share it here in case what I have learned may act as a signpost or inspiration for wherever you are on your own self-leadership journey. I also share it because when we are consciously practicing self-leadership, by default, we take caring of ourselves, each other, and our precious planet. Is there anything more important than that right now?
What I have discovered about self-leadership
Some of what I have discovered along the way about self-leadership is that:
- We are each responsible for our own evolution and growth. Period;
- Learning about ourselves and growing our effectiveness is a lifelong process that takes focus, commitment, and a choosing in each moment, where we focus our attention;
- Establishing routines and habits that support our ongoing personal learning and wellbeing is vital;
- Unless we are intentional about our own personal learning and development, life will continue to drive us rather than enabling us to shape our own reality;
- When we grow and evolve, we light the path for others; and
- If we want to play our part in contributing to the health of our families, communities, friendships, and the planet then self -leadership is non- negotiable.
My commitment to my own self-leadership is a way of life now as essential as eating, sleeping and breathing. It is never a ‘set and forget’. It requires ongoing attention and conscious action and what that entails in any day or week, morphs and changes as I do.
I know now that there is no destination point to arrive at. Just an invitation to ‘be’ in life as consciously as possible and to discover and leverage our vast and wondrous internal resources (they are waiting patiently for us to call them into action)!
It is only through activating self- leadership that we get closer to the truth of who we are and from that place be truly in service of our greatest contribution.
Wherever you are in life and on your self-leadership journey, this series is as an invitation to gently and courageously move a little closer towards self.
The third post in this series will explore why self-leadership matters.
This post is an excerpt from my draft book Activating Self Leadership.