Self Leadership Series – Part 1 #1 Something needs to change
This post explores the idea that when we find ourselves in a ‘stuck’ place that only we can truly be our ‘own rescue’. It also highlights the importance of leaders prioritising and focusing on their own development is the catalyst for change in the broader ‘system’ (team, organisation).
Fourteen years ago (age 36) my external world looked bright, but my internal world was dark and empty. I was unable to see the beauty of the flowers in the garden. I was unable to feel the joy emanating from my three beautiful daughters. I was unable to experience and connect with the magic of life that was all around me. I was a prisoner to my own thoughts. Alive but not living. Surviving but not flourishing. I was so consumed by this experience at the time that I could not really see what was happening and nor did the people that loved me in my life have any idea at the depth of the hollowness I had found myself in. I did know one thing however. I knew that something needed to change.
I realised no-one else could make that change. I had a choice to make and I knew that I needed to be my own rescue. I made a promise to myself to stop focussing on the ‘shoulds’ and the barrage of mental chatter and to follow my heart ( I didn’t even know what that meant at the time). This was a turning point and the start of a commitment to move a little more towards myself.
In the years that followed, I sought out new experiences and people that experienced the world in ways different to what I knew ( & how I had been socialised), I learned to connect with and to express and honour how I was feeling; I got better at regulating my emotions and learned how to become the observer of my thoughts; I practiced meditation and trained as a yoga nidra teacher; I surrounded myself with friends, colleagues and therapists that could really ‘see’ me and support me when I couldn’t do that for myself.
I became a student of art therapy which was perhaps the most transformative part of my evolution to date. It was through the non-verbal language of symbols and exploring and experimenting with art process that I was able to connect with and come into relationship with my own inner landscape.
I finally had accessed some of the ‘felt’ or ‘embodied’ experience of what people meant when they talked about this idea of ‘leading from the inside out’.
Through the mirror that other people held for me ( we all do that for each other), I started to see and begin to own who I really was and to claim the parts of me that I had never known and certainly not owned, celebrated nor leveraged in my life.
Through this time, I continued to work as a leadership, change and culture professional and in 2014, I began my current leadership and culture practice – Evolving Leaders –with the purpose of evolving the consciousness of leaders to make the world a better place.
What I have witnessed repeatedly through my organisational development work is that unless leaders prioritise and focus on their own evolution and growth then change in the system (team, organisation,) will be limited.
The simple fact is that organisations don’t change, people do.
The same applies in life whether we are in a formal leadership ‘role’ or not, doesn’t matter. What does matter is, that when we consciously focus energy and effort towards our own evolution and growth we begin to unpeel the layers of our socialised selves. This is the pathway to getting a little closer to who we truly are. When we choose this path, we ignite change not only in ourselves, but become a source of inspiration for those around us – our families, teams, communities and organisations.
The second post in this series will look some of What I’ve discovered about self-leadership.
This post is an excerpt from my draft book Activating Self Leadership.
Photo Credit: Bree Hughes 2022 (Taken on a trip to Mt Field National Park with Bree to see the Turning of the Fagus)
It’s been a while since I put pen to paper and shared new material. The reality is that I have been moving slowly and quietly in the background working with great clients delivering leadership development programs. I have also been allowing myself space and time for self-care and reset.
During lockdown of 20/21 I drafted a book on self-leadership. I am so glad that I did. At the time, I was rushing to publish it – ‘willing it’ across the line – driven perhaps by the ego part of self that wanted to be an ‘author’ and feeling like that was the next step on my professional journey.
A trusted confidante, at the time, gave me feedback that was hard to hear at the time- the book wasn’t there yet – it needed simplifying. I was shattered- it had been such a labour of love for many months and this wasn’t what the outcome that the ego part of self wanted.
Fortunately, within a few days, I was able to see what a gift this ‘pause’ in the process was. What became clear to me was that not only was there more work to be done on the writing side, but that in my mission to get it published and out into the world, I was not practicing or embodying the very messages that were the foundation of this book on self-leadership. The book needed to pause and most importantly I needed to pause.
Eighteen months or so later, I am so grateful to have put these 40,000 words or so on paper. It has enabled me to capture and share many aspects of my own self leadership journey which by its very nature has been insightful and healing. At a professional level, the writing process has enabled much of my own sense making about self-leadership and positively informs my coaching and leadership development practice.
At this stage, I have no intention of publishing the book. I have decided however, that it doesn’t need to be in a book format for me to share aspects of it with you. So, over the coming weeks and months that’s exactly what I will be doing – sharing excerpts from the book in a series of weekly posts.
In the Self Leadership Series- Part 1, I will share where my own self-leadership journey began and the sense making that I have made along the way about self-leadership. We will look at what self-leadership is, why it matters and introduce the three keys that can be used as a guide to bring greater levels of consciousness to our own self-leadership practice.
I hope you can join me!
With love and gratitude,
Nicola x